Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I seem to have left my pride at pride
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
