I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You made out with two different species that night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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