I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
