I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
