My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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