There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
