I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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