Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
