she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
