to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
