i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
