So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
