hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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