she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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