Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
