WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
