the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
