2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
