yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
