Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i would punch a child for taco bell
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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