just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
