So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
