I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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