:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
