Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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