I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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