chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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