definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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