I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
