Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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