i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
