i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize