i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
