Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize