What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
