If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We have started to decorate penises.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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