That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
