Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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