Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
