I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
