At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
