A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
