a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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