Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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