okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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