On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
