hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize