I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
