let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
