I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
