take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
