I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Pappa wants mamma naked
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
