Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
