the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
