I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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