Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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