I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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