In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
