I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
