I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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