She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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