You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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