So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
tell me about the eggs
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
