There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
