Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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