Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
