I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
