Say something about gay babies.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
