Plan B is the new Plan A
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
