Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
