Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just high enough for therapy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
