I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
