There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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