Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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